


Strike a Nerve

by Anonymous



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Fifty-Year-Old Steven, Flashbacks, Forgiveness, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Minor Character Deaths, POV Second Person, Post-Funeral, Unrequited Love, kind of?, mentions of character deaths
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-03-28 19:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13910415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: You didn’t want to think about any of it.





	Strike a Nerve

Most would say that this day was pleasant, the sun was warm as it covered the ground with it’s light. It was an enjoyable feeling to have the sun shine on you, unless you were six feet under… Or grieving for the one who is now buried in the dirt. The cold, cold, dirt. Having tears that felt like they weighed nine tons was not pleasant, not mention having your eyes practically begging for mercy as they hurt and burned all at once. But you can’t stop crying, not for a second.. because even though you’re in pain from crying so much.. the worst pain is actually inside of you.

 

No, this day was terrible. It was just awful.

 

Sobbing like a baby, people tried comforting you… but you couldn’t be comforted, because one of the few joys in your life had been taken from you. You chocked on yourself, your tears. It was hard to even breath—were you hyperventilating? You hated this. You hated this feeling of despair and weakness.. You were hopeless. You kept asking yourself if it was all fake. Was she going to arise from her slumber now and be with you again? Was she going to save from this? The feeling you’d admitted you hated to her, the feeling you were now stuck with because of her sudden death? You weren’t going to be saved.

 

Your breaths only became heavier, were you going to die from grief? Was it even possible to hyperventilate to death? You couldn’t breathe properly, you wanted to breathe normally. Most of the air didn’t stay with you, it left. You were exhausted, you knew this feeling all too well. You had felt this when Greg—your dad—had died. When your pet lion had died... _again_..

 

When a few of your Beach City friends had grown old and passed, most of the friends you had held as a teenager were dead. You always had to befriend adults, didn’t you? Only a few of your old friends were living. But— _but_ only two them, the immortal Lars and Pee Dee, who, was luckily around your age. But you were most likely going to outlive him too. Maybe… just maybe Lars wouldn’t die before you. You would still have one ( _mostly)_ human friend. But he wasn’t the same guy he use to be, not after Sadie’s death—you also cried at her death.

 

“ _Things always have to change.”_ Your dad would say. Even though his words were truthful, you hated it. You didn’t want your life to change, you just wanted to go back to a fourteen-year-old. You wanted to be young again, back when everything was normal. And you weren’t fifty, you _hated_ being fifty. Things shouldn’t have to change, Connie shouldn’t have to be dead.

 

But that’s not how the world works, the world never worked in your favor.

 

Not when Connie had married someone else, not when she had kids with someone else… not when she had died in your arms. Not to mention the other stuff… the gem stuff… But you didn’t want to think about that. You didn’t want to think that the lovable Connie was never yours. You didn’t want to think about that...that _**damn**_ Jeff that had took her away from you. You didn’t want to think about how Connie stopped hanging out with you that much, or how she had stop fighting alongside you because of her children… and her husband. You didn’t want to think about how Connie refused to date you because you were half-gem… and she didn’t want to deal with someone who would possibly never age or die. You didn’t want to think about how even though she did all of this, she claimed she had always truly loved you.

 

You didn’t want to think about any of it.

 

You heard footsteps approach you, you already knew who it was. His cruel voice always echoed in your ears.. you hated this guy.. _“Steven...”_ His voice was venom, you didn’t want him talking to you. You didn’t want to hear him, you didn’t want to be near him. _Is this how Pearl felt?_ You asked yourself. Did she feel this much hatred towards your dad? You didn’t know, but you did know you hated this guy… you hated Jeff. He ruined your friendship with Connie, he’s the reason Stevonnie hasn’t formed since he and Connie got serious about thirty years ago. He’s the reason Connie had detached herself from you. He’s the reason Connie returned your mother’s sword… the sign of you two’s close friendship…. he’s the reason she didn’t have a weapon when she was attacked.. he’s the reason she died from her injuries.

 

“Please look at me. We need to talk.” He tried to plead with you, your breathing had thankfully returned to normal so you could respond. You didn’t look up at him when you spoke. “There’s nothing to talk about.” You said with an awfully cruel tone, he placed a hand on your shoulder. You flinched because of the unexpected touch. _You hated him. You hated him. You hated him._ You didn’t want someone you hated to be friendly with you. You moved your shoulder in a way so his hand would fall of it. “Don’t touch me.” You growled out of hate. He took her from you. So you had to hate him.

 

“I’m sorry I--” You stopped him.“I don’t want to talk.” Hadn’t you made your feelings clear to this guy? You didn’t want to talk, he should just leave you alone. But he has never did before, so somethings don’t change…. much to your dismay. He tried to talk one more time.

 

“Remember when we first met?” You sighed. “Yes.”

 

–

_In the overly hot summer in Beach City, you sat on a bench. You were fifteen at the time. Fifteen and still had hope in you. You were waiting for your best friend, who was bringing an important person with her. “Steven!” She called your name, her beautiful short hair bouncing along with her steps. You watched her as she held the important person’s hand. You couldn’t help but feel a tad of jealousy as you saw them. Connie stopped in front of you. “Hi!” You happily greet her, then you looked towards her friend and shook his hand.._

 

“ _You must be Jeff. Nice to meet you!” You said with a smile, he didn’t smile back. It confused you, you wondered if he was a friendly guy.. thankfully he actually responded to you. “Steven, hi.” He sounded uninterested, even resentful at the fact he had to talk to you. You shook it off, maybe he was just shy.. you wondered. You gave your attention to Connie because Jeff didn’t seem to like you. “So how have you been?” She chuckled. “Oh nothing really! Besides missing you I guess.” You couldn’t help but slightly blush. Did she intend that? “I—I’ve missed you too!” You nervously stuttered, gosh she had such an affect on you!_

 

“ _Probably not as much as I missed you!” Your heart began to race. You really did love this girl, you wanted to give her the world. “I don’t think so!” You both joked around, you ignored the angry looks that Jeff had gave you as he watched you two go on. You turned your attention to Jeff. “Jeff, how have you been?” You tried being friendly with him. He inhaled. “Fine.” He said with a hint of cruelty. You gave him another smile. “That’s good!” You chuckled. Something inside Jeff snapped._

 

“ _I said I was fine, not great! How is that good?” He yelled at you. You didn’t understand his rage, maybe he was having problems at home? Connie didn’t seem to pleased at him. “What the hell, Jeff?” You winced.. That was the first time you ever heard her curse. It was kind of scary. She was really mad at him. “I don’t care if you’re having a bad day, I don’t care if you’re mad. Don’t just yell at somebody!” She gave you a quick hug and took Jeff’s hand. “I’m sorry for this… I’m going to take him home.” And just like that—she left with him._

–

 

“Yes.” You sighed. “It would be one of the many worst days of my life, how could I forget it?” You didn’t show him a thread of kindness. You heard him sigh and he sat down next to you. You finally looked at him, he looked sad. He looked hurt because of you. “I’m sorry that I was a jerk that day.” You ignored the tears in his eyes. You hesitated to speak to him. “Why?” You asked. He looked at you in confusion. “What?” He didn’t know what you meant. You got more stern with him.

 

“Why were you a jerk that day?” You looked him straight in the eyes. You could tell he was uncomfortable, but being it was _him.._ out of all people… You could care less about his feelings. He was the first person you actually hated. Isn’t that funny? And he didn’t even try to kill you. He sighed again. “I was jealous of you. Connie always talked about you, and how great you were. I knew she loved you and— _and_ I couldn’t accept that.” His voice got weaker. “Connie.. she was the first person who’d actually showed me genuine kindness. She was the first person I’d ever, and will ever, love.”

 

You looked away. You couldn’t stand hearing this, Connie never loved you. He was only trying to please you. He started to speak again. “Part of me wonders if she got that kindness from you.” You couldn’t help but let out a tiny gasp. You almost cried again. Why was he spitting out lies? Was he trying to help you? Because he was doing a crappy job.

 

You leaned up to him and shushed him with your hand. “Say one more thing about her, and you’re really going to piss me off.” You removed your hand and returned to your normal position. You didn’t like being close to him. But you had to shut him up. The guy looked at you. You felt as if he was going to do something to annoy you. “You asked a question.. now I get to ask one.” You froze. Was he being serious? You didn’t need to answer any of his damn questions. But, you let him ask them anyways. “Were you upset when I started dating Connie?” You wanted to laugh.

 

“What type of damn question is that?”

 

–

_Another day in Beach City, you were now sixteen. Sixteen and lovesick. You were sure as hell that you loved Connie. Today was the day you were going to confess to her. She stood in front of you, a smile, she had a smile. Your heart raced. “You wanted to speak to me?” You nodded. Nervousness filled your gut. “Well, Connie, I’ve been meaning to tell you this for awhile now..” You fiddled with your thumbs. She started blankly at you. You breathed. “Connie, I love you.” She froze. You looked away._

 

“ _I’ve loved you for quite sometime. Ever since we first fused, in fact.” You were blushing. Who wouldn’t? Anyone would if they were confessing to a person that they’ve adored for so long. You slowly looked back at her. She...she didn’t look happy. “Um, Steven.” She started off. “I don’t love you.”_

 

_Your heart shattered._

 

_A tear fell from your eye. You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. She stared sadly at you. She felt bad for hurting you. “Steven, you’re my best friend. Romance between friends almost never work out.” Your heart shattered further. She sighed. “Also, you are half-gem. Gems don’t age, you age slowly. You may never die...I will one day.. I don’t want to deal with that.” She explained, as if that’ll make anything better. A faint blush come across her cheeks.“I haven’t allowed myself to love you, I thought you had done the same.” You inhaled, a bunch of tears ran down your face. “Is—is there someone else?” Connie’s eyes widened. “I have been dating Jeff.. for about a year now..” She admitted._

_You scowled at his name. Annoyance filled you, this boy who’d been rude to you ever since you had met him.. has Connie. You didn’t hate him at that point. You only sighed. “If he makes you happy then..” You smiled. “I’m fine.” Your facial expression hid your inner rage and sadness. You shoul’ve never confessed to her._

 

_It was a horrible idea._

 

_\--_

 

You saw him pulled back. He had not expected you to snap at him. “It was just a question!” Was he afraid of you? Was it because you were a gem? You scoffed. “Don’t ask stuff like that.” This guy annoyed you so much. “You already know all the answers.” Your words caused Jeff to become slightly annoyed. But, you didn’t care. In fact, you wanted him to be angry at you. You wanted him to hate you.

 

Just so _he_ can feel what _you_ feel.

 

There was nothing wrong with that.

 

 


End file.
